Rennan Barkana's Page of Funny Quotes which Make a Point

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"My greatest achievement was to persuade my wife to marry me."
--- Winston Churchill

"Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few simple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'."
--- John Sladek

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."
--- Harry S. Truman

"Philosophy majors study questions like, 'Is the glass half empty or half full?' This helps prepare them for their jobs later in life, like being a waiter: 'Would you like that glass filled, Sir?' "
--- Jay Leno

"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
--- George Bernard Shaw

"Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."
--- Arthur C. Clarke

"For perfect happiness, remember two things:
(1) Be content with what you've got.
(2) Be sure you've got plenty."

"Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer."
--- C.C. Colton

"[Do not believe] observational results until they have been confirmed by theory."
--- Sir Arthur Eddington

"Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?"
--- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"When the speaker and he to whom he speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics."
--- Voltaire

"Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him."
--- Charles DeGaulle

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome."
--- Dr. Johnson

"Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation."

"Experience is what you get just after you need it."

"Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes."

"Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent."

"Most people are too busy to have time for anything important."

"Goldenstern's Rules:
(1) Always hire a rich attorney
(2) Never buy from a rich salesman."

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
--- Winston Churchill

"The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it."
--- J. Robert Oppenheimer, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while."

"Schapiro's Explanation:
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure."

"Slous' Contention:
If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it."

"Politics -- the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other."
--- Oscar Ameringer

"Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is."

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether."

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

"Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people so resolutely pursuing it."

"Removing the straw that broke the camel's back does not necessarily allow the camel to walk again."

"Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess."

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